Job Posting: Anti-Piracy Programmer

Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:14 pm

isoHunt is the most comprehensive BitTorrent search engine on the interwebs. It comes as no surprise that losers online share links of copyleft and copyright materials which isoHunt indexes, both in indiscriminate amounts. Each possible infringement from such links are worth tens of thousands of dollars in statutory damage. With 166.2 million files indexed within torrent links on isoHunt, the amount of potential claim is worth TRILLIONS of dollars.

However, the conundrum isoHunt faces is determining who owns copyright over what files are described within torrent files that isoHunt indexes, and what are the wishes of these copyright holders. Is a file's copyright owned by hippies such as Richard Stallman and similar Free Software gang with these ridiculous beards? Or socialist commies such as these filmmakers posting free films and shows at Vodo, (absurd, I know) and similarly free music at Jamendo, and any other sites hosting such so-called copyleft non-sense? Or such copyright holders, whoever they are, hang on to their copyright as they rightfully should and intend on suing any who infringes on their copyright? Afterall, victories in court or settlements are worth more than customers. These copyright holders are our friends and isoHunt seek your expertise in bringing copyright thieves to justice. And profit.

Candidates for a position as Senior Architect and Programmer for Anti-Piracy has the following requirements:

* Semantically determine from names of file listings within close to 7 million .torrents isoHunt indexes, the following: copyright holder of such files, and metadata on the copyright status of such files
* isoHunt do not host or have access to such files (isoHunt can't be a hypocrite and download these files like all the pirates do), so your job it is to determine the above by solely file names
* No master database referencing copyright ownership and status with files shared on P2P networks currently exist, so your job it is to build such a database
* Desired, but not required: to determine names and addresses of pirates participating in the piracy of copyrighted works, for law enforcement purposes (not those owned by copyleft hippies, after having determined copyright status of files). Note that IP addresses does not suffice, even a child can copy out IP addresses of fellow pirates in his BitTorrent client.
* 30+ years experience in C++, Java, Python, Perl, TCP/IP, BitTorrent protocols, and strong magic are required for this job.

Should you qualify, please reply ASAP. Trillions of dollars of profit await, and your compensation will be almost as impressive.

Note: This was mostly a April's Fool joke. Or a parody for any other day.

Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:22 pm

Jesus, I think I cracked a rib laughing!

Pwnage most epic..

Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:29 pm

Well I found 'Strong Magic' but I don't know about the rest of it... is this like... a scavenger hunt?

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:02 am

Magic: I've read the harry potter collection. Twice

Find pirates: I have two kids so between them they'll find more than an ip address.

30 Years experience: almost, however most of it spent in some altered state of mind and as such i may be making this up. Sure did I tell you how I invented the internet, and not for the grand purpose of global communication. I invented it as a way of consuming my time so I can ignore my wife!

I know you want me for this job. Payment accepted in the form of pink elephants, flying pigs and the gold from the end of the rainbow.

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:05 am

Dear Sir,
your offer appeals to my sense of freedom and financial welfare however I do have some trepidation.

Recently I tried to start up a new business tracking down these pirates however I ran into a couple of problems ???
I considered to attack the porn piracy issues as that seemed to be the easiest. After all most people download the stuff in secret so they want the whole threat letter issue to go away and generally pay up nice and quick.
My first problems were when mailing such people as Baywatch Stars.
I was first told that Nooooooo it's not their film and they have no idea how it was made or who made it.
second When I mentioned their antics on film "Hotel Paris Stylee) the first response was "don't know what your talking about."
second response was, "please flag as fake it really isn't me"

Pusuing this a little further I then went on to gather evidence that it was them. I offered them a sensible solution... it's you, its your acting, (love the sound effects by the way) and that they should own it and then I can score some dollars to share with them by screwing over the pirates.

Imagine my bewilderment when I was asked to cease such activity as these films were doing miracles with their careers.... I was politely asked to not "Rock the Boat" they actually wanted their antics to be Pirated to promote their flagging acting abilities. I was told it was a new reality style.

So whilst the temptation to have a percentage of those trillions is a magnet to my egotesticle senses and like a bee to the honeypot I would fly and love to participate in this noble cause I must decline due to the fact I can no longer believe anything on the webz anymore. I have become corrupted by the media lies. And as to how to get this easy money?
Whenever I track down the artist and offer to help with obtain funds from their illicitly stolen bedroom hobbies that are being offered online I am told to leave it alone as its good for business. The crying out in pain on the front pages of the popular gossip magazine and being twittered all over the world is bigger business than the content itself.

Yours respectfully
disillusioned.

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:12 pm

IH wrote:

Candidates for a position as Senior Architect and Programmer for Anti-Piracy has the following requirements:

If you do end up in a situation where (legally) you need to hire someone for this position and to ensure you are doing your do diligence - I would be more than happy to help. I meet your requirements and work for a very modest pay.

However, please be aware, I work very slowly as I like to be accurate. And I would need to hand check each file individually after a full download to ensure it contains matter related to copyright infringement. At which point we need to contact the copyright holder and (pending their response) remove the indexed link from the database. And we can then move to the next file in line.

I cannot estimate how long the process would take, so we cannot recommend hiring more people. And I cannot estimate when the job will be finished, as the index speed of updating is a variable.

... Why do this? Well this way, when your in court we can say you tried your best and hired a consultant to start removing those links Wink

And we can make sure that those links are re-uploaded faster than a person can check them.

Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 1:37 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCE3Ge4bCLk&feature=related

Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 12:04 pm

Only god got 30+ years of experience Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:26 pm

April Fools to you too, isoHunt! Laughing

If only catching the "bad guys" was that easy. Although the true baddies here are the trolls hiding under the proverbial red taped bridge muggles would call Hollywood.

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:33 pm

Give me the job, I'd blame it all on mr.toolie2u ..........

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 11:00 am

http://torrentfreak.com/isohunt-recruits-anti-piracy-programmer-110402/

Lulz

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 11:33 am

Shit how did I miss all this Laughing

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:09 pm

pacino23 wrote:

http://torrentfreak.com/isohunt-recruits-anti-piracy-programmer-110402/

Lulz

Hahaha, Great one mate. Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 1:05 am

hahhahha Great one i would love that job but i am very much unqualified sorry if i was though i would definitely try and help Confused

thats like walking down the street and asking people for spare change you can either get a here you go or a **** you get a job type of **** and you never know who your going to get my moma always said lifes like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get Shocked

how did forest get in this conversation lol

Watch the language please, this is a 13+ site...Mod

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:21 pm

Good one!

Seriously, this cannot be serious. It as a mission impossible and it doesn't have to be done. A torrent database cannot be held responsible for storing .torrent files, and isoHunt doesn't store stolen files, torrent clients have access to those stolen files, isoHunt has nothing to do with it.

If isoHunt doesn't have those .torrent files, then another sites will have it, we just have to Google them. Google will never be held responsible for finding those .torrent files.

It is a hopeless mission with no benefit.